Miss Manners: First rule of bunco is Dont ask about vaccines

August 07, 2024

Dear Miss Manners: Pre-pandemic, I was asked to join a long-standing bunco group. Now the group wants to start playing again — without any safety protocols. We met to discuss options, and I asked who had been vaccinated. If we were all are vaccinated, I stated, then we didn't really need an in-depth conversation.

I was very vehemently informed that I can't ask about vaccinations — that doing so is the equivalent of asking who you voted for. I was aghast by the onslaught of anger. I was later informed that each hostess does NOT have the right to set safety protocols for her own home while playing bunco.

Everyone has spent the past 15 months being very careful and following Centers for Disease Control and Prevention guidelines, so I was gobsmacked by the lack of manners/discussion. I very much feel forced to play their way or lose the group.

Much of the etiquette foisted upon you was — like a great deal of the information shared by nonprofessionals during the pandemic — incorrect. However, as you wish to keep members of the group as friends, Miss Manners recommends excusing their vehemence as a natural defense against the aggressiveness to which they were probably subjected when they received that misinformation.

You may have to accept their rules to play. But you do not have to play. Knowing that your friends were careful may convince you that participating will not result in any harm — though you will be left to wonder why anyone suggested a discussion if the group was not prepared to discuss this.

Dear Miss Manners: Is there a polite way to tell a co-worker that you do not want them to use a microwave that you bought?

There is a communal microwave in our teachers' lounge that anyone is welcome to use. I work in an area that is separate from the main building, so I bought a microwave that I use there daily.

This co-worker is new to our school and teaches in an adjoining classroom. Simply put, she is loud, pushy, obnoxious and talks incessantly. I gave her my old microwave when I got the new one so I wouldn't have to deal with her, but it stopped working a couple of days ago. She has asked to use mine; I fear this will become a few-times-a-day habit.

She could well afford to buy her own small microwave, or she could use the one in the main building. How do I nip this in the bud without starting a whole thing?

Although there is technically nothing rude about refusing use of your personal microwave, Miss Manners agrees that it will have to be delivered with care if it is not to become a point of contention.

If you surprise your co-worker by both apologizing to her and insulting yourself, it will give you time for a quick getaway: “I’m so sorry, but I’m weirdly fussy about my microwave, which is why I bought my own so I don’t have to use the communal one.”

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.

2021, by Judith Martin

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